Bristol Palin, You Are A Fucking Idiot

May 7, 2009

bristol-palinBristol Palin, formerly of the “my pregnancy is a private matter” camp, gave Matt Lauer this little nugget yesterday:

“Regardless of what I did or anything like that, I think that abstinence is the only 100 per cent fool-proof way of preventing teen pregnancy.”




Baby Daddy Alfie Not The Baby Daddy!

March 26, 2009
Photo: Lee ThompsonPhoto: Lee Thompson

Remember this little clusterfuck?

Well, it turns out barely four feet tall 13-year-old Alfie is not the father. Apparently the 15-year-old mother was slutting it up something crazy and her mother told her to lie and say she was a virgin when she met and had sex with Alfie, in hopes she they could make some money off of the tabloid interviews that would inevitably follow. (And the Mom of the Year Award goes to…).

Thankfully (?), a trusty DNA test cleared everything up; i.e.,  they used Alfie and the newborn as tools in a massive and disgusting scam.

I don’t have any more energy to spend on this ignorant trash. If you do, you can read the story here.

Shocker: Bristol And Levi No Longer Dating

March 12, 2009

The completely fuckable Levi Johnston next to some bitch.

The completely fuckable Levi Johnston next to some bitch.

The rumors started yesterday when Levi‘s sister Mercede told Star Magazine that Bristol has cut Levi out of her and their child’s life:

“Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible. She tells him he can’t take the baby to our house because she doesn’t want him around ‘white trash’!”

According to Radar Online:

It’s surprising because in an interview just last month with FOX’s Gretta Van Susteren, Bristol said the 19-year-old Levi is a hands-on dad and that they planned on marrying after finishing their education.

[…] Mercede Johnston says Bristol actually broke up with Levi more than a month ago, is not attending school and rarely lets her baby daddy see their young son. Mercede also says Bristol even told him that she hates him and, when she learned she was pregnant, wished the baby wasn’t his.

Today, People is reporting that Levi has confirmed the split occurred “a while ago.”

Bristol Mama-At-Seventeen Palin responded:

“Unfortunately, my family has seen many people say and do many things to ‘cash in’ on the Palin name. Sometimes that greed clouds good judgment and the truth.”

Fuckers should have never been put on that convention stage…

Who Wants To Be A Baby Daddy?!

February 17, 2009
Photo: Lee Thompson

Photo: Lee Thompson

Remember this happy family?

Well, now there are TWO other men boys claiming that they are, in fact, the father of apparent super-slut Chantelle Steadman‘s baby, not Alfie, our favorite barely-four-foot-tall-voice-hasn’t-dropped-yet-12-year-old-who-looks-like-he’s-8.


Basically, Chantelle is all like “Alfie’s is the only boy-penis I’ve had barely penetrate the outside of my vaginal wall” and her parents are all like, “We’re good parents – no one ever slept over.”  (Um, riiight.)

Then there are these other two losers who are all like, “We banged Super Slut Chantelle like all the time and stuff” and for some fucking reason they want to end their lives at 14 and 16 and become fathers. What the fuck is wrong with these kids!? You couldn’t have stuck me with a child when I was 14 years old if you super-glued it and the DNA test to my fucking dorky-ass L.L. Bean bookbag.

Basically Maury Povich needs to swoop on in and set this shit straight.

Here are the photos of the kids who want to throw their lives away:

Richard Goodsell

I wanna be a baby daddy #1: Richard Goodsell, 16

Tyler Barker

I wanna be a baby daddy #2: Tyler Barker, 14

Related: My original post; The Sun’s original story; The Sun’s follow-up story.