Baby Daddy Alfie Not The Baby Daddy!

March 26, 2009
Photo: Lee ThompsonPhoto: Lee Thompson

Remember this little clusterfuck?

Well, it turns out barely four feet tall 13-year-old Alfie is not the father. Apparently the 15-year-old mother was slutting it up something crazy and her mother told her to lie and say she was a virgin when she met and had sex with Alfie, in hopes she they could make some money off of the tabloid interviews that would inevitably follow. (And the Mom of the Year Award goes to…).

Thankfully (?), a trusty DNA test cleared everything up; i.e.,  they used Alfie and the newborn as tools in a massive and disgusting scam.

I don’t have any more energy to spend on this ignorant trash. If you do, you can read the story here.

NYT: Court Battle Over a Child Strains Ties in Two Nations

February 25, 2009

And you thought the last four years of your life sucked.  Meet David Goldman:

  • June 2004: Ms. Bruna Goldman boards a plane with her son, Sean, for Brazil; Her husband, David, is going to catch a flight in a week.
  • Several days later, Mom calls Dad and says that she’s divorcing him (surprise!)… and that she’s keeping their son, Sean, in Brazil, Mom’s home country (double surprise!).
  • Dad sues in the US and Brazil for custody, Mom retains lawyer in Brazil.
  • Mom remarries her lawyer and is impregnated by him… but then dies in childbirth in 2008.
  • FOUR YEARS LATER, Sean is still in Brazil living with his stepfather. He attends a top school, has friends, and is well-adjusted. In those four years, Brazilian courts have only allowed Dad to see Sean once (a 12-hour supervised visit spanning two days).

family190So what’s best for Sean?! Which life is better for him?! Will it matter or will simply come down to the specifics of international law?!

While the article describes Brazil as Mom’s native country, it’s not stated whether Sean actually has any contact with his blood relatives.  Even so, Sean had probably never meet these relatives before his abduction – is it even relevant that they’re blood relatives if they hardly knew Sean at the time of his abduction?

If Sean is not in contact with his blood relatives, then all he has in Brazil are non-blood relatives like his step father.  It’s unclear when Mom remarried her lawyer but, given Sean’s age – between 4 and 8 years old – even a year or two with his stepfather may be plenty to form a substantive bond, although there is no guaranteed this happened.  If it did, however, is this bond to be discounted because it’s not through blood?

Furthermore, Dad hasn’t seen Sean – although not for lack of trying – for over 4 years (save that 12 hour supervised visitation)! How has their bond changed?! How intact is it still?! Dad says it’s still intact but that’s obviously not an objective opinion. If a four-year-old goes four years without seeing a father, how much of that bond still exists?

Hopefully the psychologist supervising the visit will have some insights for the courts, if they care.

This could only be more of a clusterfuck if the parents were gay.

Read the whole saga, with a discussion of the applicable law, here.

    Who Wants To Be A Baby Daddy?!

    February 17, 2009
    Photo: Lee Thompson

    Photo: Lee Thompson

    Remember this happy family?

    Well, now there are TWO other men boys claiming that they are, in fact, the father of apparent super-slut Chantelle Steadman‘s baby, not Alfie, our favorite barely-four-foot-tall-voice-hasn’t-dropped-yet-12-year-old-who-looks-like-he’s-8.


    Basically, Chantelle is all like “Alfie’s is the only boy-penis I’ve had barely penetrate the outside of my vaginal wall” and her parents are all like, “We’re good parents – no one ever slept over.”  (Um, riiight.)

    Then there are these other two losers who are all like, “We banged Super Slut Chantelle like all the time and stuff” and for some fucking reason they want to end their lives at 14 and 16 and become fathers. What the fuck is wrong with these kids!? You couldn’t have stuck me with a child when I was 14 years old if you super-glued it and the DNA test to my fucking dorky-ass L.L. Bean bookbag.

    Basically Maury Povich needs to swoop on in and set this shit straight.

    Here are the photos of the kids who want to throw their lives away:

    Richard Goodsell

    I wanna be a baby daddy #1: Richard Goodsell, 16

    Tyler Barker

    I wanna be a baby daddy #2: Tyler Barker, 14

    Related: My original post; The Sun’s original story; The Sun’s follow-up story.

    Father at 13!!!

    February 13, 2009

    Holy fucking shit what a clusterfuck:

    Thirteen-year-old Alfie Patten, “who looks about eight” and whose voice has not yet broken and is just FOUR FEET TALL, just became a father after a single instance of unprotected sex with his 15-year-old “girlfriend” Chantelle Steadman.

    Lee Thompson

    Photo: Lee Thompson


    There is not enough bold and CAPS in the world for that paragraph slash can we discuss Chantelle’s apparent interest in boys who look like… little boys!?!?

    And you know it’s coming: Chantelle lives with her mom, her unemployed dad, and her five brothers… on government assistance.

    Nevertheless, the fundies are thrilled about the awesome life this child is doomed destined to live:

    “[…] Michaela Aston, of the anti-abortion Christian charity LIFE, said: “We commend these teenagers for their courage in bringing their child into the world.  At the same time this is symptomatic of the over-sexualisation of our youngsters and shows the policy of value-free sex education just isn’t working.”

    Yes, if it weren’t for the media, poor Alfie wouldn’t even know he had a penis.

    SHOCKINGLY, this birth doesn’t break any British records:

    Britain’s youngest known father is Sean Stewart. He became a dad at 12 when the girl next door, 15-year-old Emma Webster, gave birth in Sharnbrook, Bedford, in 1998.

    The whole story (with more adorable creepy photos!) here.