Quoted: Dan Savage

September 16, 2009

Sometimes our subconscious mind takes the lemons of our sexual insecurities and turns them into delicious bonerade.

From his latest column.

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Quoted: Dan Savage

June 24, 2009

dan SavageDan Savage:

Dying* is easy, monogamy is hard.

One day we’re gonna put screw and screw together and realize that the problem is our unrealistic and unnatural fixation on monogamy and not that “some men just can’t keep it in their pants.” Human beings aren’t wired to be sexually monogamous—male or female—and the feigned shock with which we’re required to greet each new revelation of infidelity on the part of an elected official, a reality-show star, or a sports figure would be comical if the costs weren’t so great. Elevating monogamy over all else—insisting that it, and it alone, is true love’s only marker—destroys marriages and families and careers.

Which is not to say that anything goes and that people shouldn’t be expected to honor their commitments and that there aren’t folks out there who’re capable of remaining monogamous over the three, four, five, or six decade course of a marriage. But think of all the people who’ve cheated and gotten caught. Now think about all the people who’ve cheated and gotten away with it. Our ideals about the place of sex within marriage are at war with who and what we are. They’re at war with reality. Sex is powerful, relationships are fragile. Why on earth do we insist on pitting them against each other?

* Physically, politically.

If I was to go back to college, I think I would study the history of monogamy.


Dan Savage Proposes Civil Disobedience Alternative To Gay March On Washington

June 17, 2009

As you may know, Cleve Jones (AKA Emile Hirsch’s ‘character’ in Milk) has called for a gay March On Washington in October. Of course, the proposal spurred considerable debate and Cleve recently answered the criticism in a blog post on Bilerico.

dan SavageOver at Slog, however, Dan Savage (right) has proposed an action much smaller in scale but, he thinks, larger in impact:

Here’s the idea: one gay or lesbian couple—a couple currently denied their rights under DOMA—shows up at the entrance to the White House grounds. A different couple every day. They ask to speak to the president about DOMA. They’re refused. They sit down. They refuse to leave. They’re arrested, carried away by the police. Couples would be recruited from all over the country, demonstrating that gay marriage isn’t just an issue in liberal California or godless New England, and the media in each couple’s home city and state would be notified in advance of their arrest. The occasional famous couple—Rosie and Kelli? Ellen and Portia?—would participate to pull in celeb media. But most of the couples who come to D.C. to get arrested would be average folks. The couples would need support, legal and logistical, and we would need someone to organize media outreach and maintain a website. The website would include a photo and profile of each couple that comes to D.C. to get arrested, collect all the press, and be used to recruit couples willing to travel to D.C. and get arrested.

The action would be small scale—it would be human scale—and it would go on and on and on. It would demonstrate better than another gay march just how seriously we take this issue: we take it seriously that we’re willing to travel to D.C. and get arrested. It wouldn’t be a one-day event that the White House could ignore or bluff its way through with some lame statement about its “commitment” to ending DOMA. The couples would keep coming. Every day an arrest. Drip, drip, drip. Members of the White House press corps would see couples getting arrested every day on their way to work. Gibbs would be forced to address DOMA on a near-daily basis. The president would be asked about the issue again and again.

My boyfriend—who doesn’t do demonstrations (or interviews or photos or anything public)—is so upset about the DOMA brief that he’s willing to go to D.C. and get arrested. So am I. We can’t be the only couple that feels this way.

What do you think? One couple getting arrested every day for a year?

Although the mainstream media and the White House press corps has recently shown a surprising willingness to push the administration on LGBT promises made during the campaign, I’m not sure they could follow 365 days of two people being uneventfully arrested. I do, however, like the local media angle, which might be more valuable than the national media.

I also know that if I found myself in DC, I would sure as hell show up every morning to see the day’s arrest – and I bet I’m not the only one.


Dan Savage On Pat Robertson’s ‘Gays Are Made Gay By Being Abused’ Claim

June 10, 2009

Pat_RobertsonOur favorite out-of-touch televangelist Pat Robertson recently dove into what he knows best: biology, sexuality, evolution, psychology, child development, and genetics.

Pat said repeated that age-old myth that gays are just gays because they were abused by an authority figure and are  now all confused and lost.  (Hell, why did he just throw in the ‘…and they haven’t found the right girl’ argument, too?)

(The video of Pat’s comments are here.)

Dan Savage responds:

Boys are “made homosexual,” Robertson says, “because of a coach or a guidance counselor or some other male figure… abused them.”

As a thought experiment let’s concede the point: homosexuals are made, not born (with the exception of the few of us with “biological problems”). Who do you suppose is making homosexuals out of kids from fundamentalist Christian homes? Alen Keyes has a gay kid, Randal Terry has a gay kid, Dick Cheney has a gay kid, Phyllis Schafley has a gay kid. Seattle’s Capitol Hill is crawling with gay teenagers and young adults who grew up in—and escaped from—their fundamentalist Christian homes. The documentary For the Bible Tells Me So profiles numerous kids from fundamentalist Christian families who grew up to be gay.

Who’s raping all these Christian kids?

Not openly gay people. Fundamentalist Christian parents don’t allow their children hang out with openly gay men and women. Openly gay men do not get hired to work as a guidance counselors at fundamentalist Christian middle schools; out lesbians do not get hired to work as coaches at a fundamentalist Christian high schools; openly bi graduate students don’t get to serve as dorm captains at fundamentalist Christian colleges. So it isn’t out gay men and women—openly gay coaches and counselors and youth pastors—who are raping all these Christian kids and leaving them “confused” about their sexualities. Most fundamentalist Christian kids have never met an out gay or lesbian person. Which can only mean…

All these Christian kids are being raped by straight-identified, nominally-Christian coaches and counselors and youth pastors and dorm captains.

If you buy into Robertson’s theories on origins of homosexuality then you have to embrace a highly unflattering picture of Christian America. If Pat is right then all those fundamentalist Christian churches, schools, counseling programs, and summer camps—the whole parallel Christian universe—are teeming with sexual predators. That Christian day care center? An extremely dangerous environment for children. That Christian summer camp? The hunting grounds of countless child rapists. That youth group at the mega-church? Ditto. That football team at a Christian high school? No responsible parent would let her child try out for one.

Christian America: a bad place to raise your kids.

UPDATE: Some folks in comments have pointed out that Christian kids could wander off and be raped by, say, a gay secular humanist who runs the local Dairy Queen or comic book shop. But the examples cited by Robertson were of authority figures to whose control Christian parents might entrust their children, i.e. counselors, coaches, etc. Children being raised in the Parallel Christian Universe—home schoolers, mega-church parishioners, fundy college applicants—don’t have non-Christian authority figures. No pagan soccer coaches, no openly-gay school counselors. If these fundy Christian kids are “made homosexual” when they’re raped by authority figures, they’re being raped by Christians.

As always, well done, Dan, well done.


Stay Positive, Gays

May 26, 2009

pride-california-flags1Dan Savage on the California Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Proposition 8:

This morning’s decision was expected but, in the wake of so many recent victories, still saddening. But we have to remember that this is a long game and, despite this setback, we are winning. We’re going to hear a lot about Prop 8 today, and the fight to overturn it, but let’s not forget about Prop 22.

In 2000 California voters approved a law banning same-sex marriage. It was a ballot initiative, like Prop 8, but just a law, not a constitutional amendment. And it was that law, Prop 22, that the CA Supremes struck down in 2008, in their historic ruling legalizing same-sex marriage. And voters in 2000 approved Prop 22 in by a nearly 22-point margin. And eight years later the same voters would approved Prop 8 by four points. That’s an 18-point shift in favor of marriage equality in just eight years. That’s extraordinary progress. A loss is still a loss, and a loss sucks, but the trend is so strongly in our favor that we cannot lose hope. The anti-gay bigots know that they’re losing this debate, and it’s why they’re so hot to amend state constitutions now, while they still can, while they can still count on the votes of the old, the bigoted, and the easily manipulated. But they are losing and they know it.

We’re going to go back to the ballot box in California in 2010 or 2012 and voters are going to repeal Prop 8. Fundamental civil rights should not be subject to a popular vote, of course, and the CA Supremes had an opportunity to reaffirm that ideal. They chose not to, they buckled, and so we, unlike other minority groups, face the challenge of securing our rights at the ballot box. That seems daunting prospect until you recall 2000’s Prop 22 and compare its margin of victory to that of 2008’s Prop 8. Again, we witnessed an eighteen point shift in favor of gay marriage in California in just eight years. We can move another four points. We just have to stay in the fight and remind ourselves and each other that we are winning.

The San Francisco Chronicle is reporting, via Twitter, that arrests have began of of non-violent protesters in San Francisco.

San Diego Pride is encouraging civil disobedience among those protesting in that city.

Day of Decision is coordinating protests across the nation. Go here to find your state/city.

Towleroad has more.


Being Gay = Being A Murderer and More GOP Fun!

February 24, 2009

Republican elephantIn regards to potentially giving the gay partners of employees of the state of Colorado access to their partner’s health benefits (danger!), Sen. Renfroe had this to say:

“I’m not saying this (homosexuality) is the only sin that’s out there,” said Sen. Scott Renfroe, R-Greeley. “We have murder. We have all sorts of sin. We have adultery. And we don’t make laws making those legal, and we would never think to make murder legal.”

Um, you’re a buffoon.

Full story.

Michael SteeleBut wait! There’s more fun GOP news!

On the fast track to become the GOP’s Supreme Douche Nozzle (sorry Cheney), RNC Chairman Michael Steele first said that the GOP should reach out to gays and now he says a compromise like civil unions are “crazy,” stating that marriage is “a founding value of our country.”  Ahh, double-talk.  Towleroad sorts it out and Dan Savage has a suggestion for another “founding value of our country” that Mr. Steele may want to consider defending.


Thank You, Dan Savage

January 28, 2009

My obsession‘s poll has ended and we have a winner for the new definition of saddlebacking:

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage.

I think that’s just as good as Santorum:

Santorum (san-TOR-um) n. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the result of anal sex.