Thank You, Dan Savage

My obsession’s poll has ended and we have a winner for the new definition of saddlebacking:

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage.

I think that’s just as good as Santorum:

Santorum (san-TOR-um) n. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the result of anal sex.

Dating A Banker Anonymous

We all know that bankers are having a tough time these days with long-standing institutions folding like wet paper and the market behaving like a colicky infant. Thousands of people have already lost their jobs and thousands more are nervously fearing what seems inevitable.  But, have you ever thought about the women behind those men?  The ones that have to delay or cancel (gasp!) their Botox injections?  Or whose Hamptons vacations are cut short?  Or are no longer able to enjoy bottle service on their banker boyfriend’s credit card?

Yeah, me neither.

But they apparently exist, since the Times has written a complete article about them.  Start with the article but definitely move onto the real gem: their blog.  It’s allegedly tongue-in-cheek but I feel like they all come off as a bunch of entitled, vapid bitches.  Exhibit A:

Thanks to the recession, I now have a completely devoted BF, which is exactly what I wanted.  So I should be happy, right?  Wrong.  I’m bored and can’t stop thinking about my perpetually unattainable Euro ex-boyfriend who is recession proof courtesy of an offshore trust account.  To be honest, I’m only with my BF because I just don’t have the heart to change my facebook status from “in a relationship” to “I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger, but I ain’t messin’ with no broke banker.”

(I should probably disclose that I’ve always had a thing for a handsome clean-cut gentleman in a suit and that I may just be hating on the DABA girls because I hate anything that hangs off one of’s said gentleman’s arm unless it’s me.  Hey, at least I’m honest.)

Smoking, Trans Fats, Calories, and… Salt?!

Image: Ron Barrett

Smoking

Trans fats

Calories

Salt?

After waging successful campaigns against the above items in NYC,  Health Commissioner Dr. Thomas R. Frieden is now prepared to battle sodium intake in the form of “packaged foods and mass-produced restaurant meals, which contribute 80 percent of the sodium in the average American diet.”

Right now he’s asking for the voluntary cooperation of the manufacturers but if that doesn’t work (um, has it ever?), he’ll consider measures like legislation.

I bought a doughnut at Dunkin Donuts the other day after receiving some good news and was thankful to know it contained 230 calories and don’t get me started on how much I love the smoking ban.

Read the full story.

Blago to Brown: “I’m innocent.”

Blago appeared on Campbell Brown’s show on CNN last night to argue his innocence and he’s crazy as a coconut. A little taste:

Brown: But it’s very hard to understand how you could say and this is what you’re caught on tape saying, quote, “If I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” And the Senate seat is quote, “is a bleeping valuable thing. You don’t just give it away for nothing.”

I mean, put that in context for me. Please.

Blagojevich: Well, we haven’t heard the tapes which I am urging that we get to …

Brown: Are you saying you didn’t say that?

Blagojevich: I’m simply saying we haven’t heard the tapes, so I can’t confirm or deny whether that is precisely what was said, but having said that, let me just saying this.

The first one you alluded to. The governor can make himself a senator.

If I was all about myself and this was about a selfish thing, I could have made myself a senator the day after Barack Obama was elected president. I’d be in none of this mess. There would be no Sen. Roland Burris and I’d be part of this exciting journey to change America.

Read the whole transcript or watch the video.